a few glasses of wine and a few episodes of True Blood and my southern comes out real strong 😂

thank you whiskey and Counting Crowd for my deep dive into the light reflection optics of the color grey

I’m the kind of weird that just did 45 minutes on the treadmill listening to the same song on repeat

(it was Woman Woman by AWOLNATION – no shame!)

Musing and Ramblings

Consuming is so much easier than creating.

I’m working on reducing my consumption (of social media, at least) but I haven’t really implemented any creation to take its place yet. I have at least been better about replacing with more intentional consumption and reading on my kindle instead of my iphone (baby steps to unbreak my brain).

We’re simultaneously solidifying and coming to terms with our plans to move out of state and work towards early retirement. I have ~feelings, not just because we’ll moving back into my late mom’s house, but also just moving “back home” still feels like a failure to my ego, even though it is much more a well-thought-out plan. Even though we plan to be ready to start the move some time in August, it feels so far away and I’m having trouble sitting with the uncertainty of it all. Probably if I would get off my rear and do some of the actual steps we need to do (looking up deeds, investigating contractors, etc) it might suddenly seem really close?

In semi-related news to the aforementioned doing things, upon realizing that Omnifocus now has an inclusive subscription model, I downloaded Omnifocus this week and have been enjoying it quite a bit again. Whether it’s just the fun of new a toy tool, or the fog of the languishing finally lifting since I’ve gotten my second jab, I can’t say – but I’m enjoying it. And it inspired me to make this post, even if it was solely just to clear the overdue marker for this on lovely to do I made myself.

a screengrab of an overdue to do item that says "fucking post something"

Hello again, again

I spend too much time thinking about blogging and so little time actually blogging. I’d really like to set a schedule and commit to it. I really miss old-school blogging but there are still some good ones out there that give me the warm fuzzies (and good doses of inspiration).

As of last week, I’m halfway (or really more like one-third) vaccinated and can’t wait to get my second (Team Pfizer) shot. I took 3 days off work so if I feel puny that’s fine and if I don’t I’ll still get to take extra naps. Win/win in my book.

I’m also burnt out on work and not only daydreaming about, but actually working on a 5 year retirement plan. It’s probably going to be a partial pain in the ass, and require some uncomfortable compromise, but the thought of only a few more years of 40-hour weeks is so enticing.

So, that’s the recent state of Z, with more updates to come hopefully sooner rather than later.

Inauguration

Somehow the inauguration and my mother’s passing are tied together – even though four years ago they were actually months apart. I think when he (whose name shall never be spoken) was elected and I went walking in the rain that night (2 days after her first gone birthday) everything just broke. And I’m still broken.

But I’m trying to feel hope and peace and positivity or something/whatever. I’m still faking it, after all this time. And quietly wondering, “when does the making it come into play?”

Goodnight, 2020

Ringing out 2020 with an escalation of sad videos. If you don’t listen to This Year by The Mountain Goats tonight, I really doubt your commitment to your emo standing.

🎥 Seven Stages to Achieve Eternal Bliss: weird and cringey, but also charming and fantastic!

I sort of mean to post more frequently and thought that starting in December would be less pressure and more interesting than waiting until January. So here we are. It was a #9 rubber duck kind of day, but I got in my scheduled run and I finished this post, so that’s not nothing.